Suddenly widowed in 2020, 4 kids. God showed up in major ways, I was doing ok but now I'm not. I am the strong one for everyone+work in the ministry, feel like I cannot reach out because ppl have already done so much & I don't even know where to begin. Steadily I have been having health issues that we can't figure out. Lost gallbladder Jan of this year, lost 4 dress sizes, lots of gastric issues, GI wants to scope add to this I need dental work, have extreme anxiety/depression/PTSD & a constant feeling/fear that something is deathly wrong with me, I am set to get a heart holtor monitor text next week. All this coming to a head -I feel PARALIZED to do anything. I can't sleep, I take buspar to help but I am overwhelmed. I am barely functioning. I am barely able to parent my youngest son (my 19yo sons and new husband pick up the slack - I find myself phoning it in but I know hes emotionally suffering). I am drowning silently and need strength to get help.