On my wedding day, Pastor Glen looked into my husband’s and my eyes and shared unforgettable wisdom:
“Whatever expectations either of you have for the other, drop them. Neither of you will ever be able to meet them.”
One of my husband’s gifts is his memory. He remembers most everything. I, on the other hand, might be his greatest encourager, but I am that person looking for my sunglasses as they sit on my head, or the one whose UPS friend rings the doorbell to deliver my keys that I left in the front door. Christian learned to apply Pastor Glen’s wisdom early on in our marriage, as did I, and it is still relevant ten years later–so very relevant. Another side of my story is that I love adventure, spontaneity, simplicity, real conversations, and encouraging people.
Your spouse is lacking in certain areas, but what is the other part of his or her story? Have you noticed the goodness your spouse has to offer? See what happens when you drop the griping and notice the goodness.
My husband and I balance one another.
He makes up for the areas I lack, and I do the same for him. After being married ten years, we have learned to drop particular expectations and love each other as we are. Yes, we still get frustrated and some arguments return to the same topics from when we first married, but we are lightening up on our expectations, and also striving to meet them more. My husband might not like my forgetfulness or times I dropped my keys down the elevator shaft, but he loves me through and through (To this day, I clinch my keys tight over storm drains and elevator shafts–lesson learned).
Those who are married, drop your expectations.
Your spouse will never fully meet them. Sometimes we assume the problem is the person we’re with, but everyone has faults. It would benefit us to focus on ourselves instead of fixing the magnifying glass on our spouses. While we are all journeying toward being better spouses, let’s accept the other’s faults and strengths.
Pull close when ugly sides are revealed, as well as when beautiful sides show themselves. The security created from vulnerability will create a deeper connection. Whoever you are with, walk closely together and stay committed.
Relish in true love: the unbreakable love that comes from the Lord.
It’s not a feeling, but a choice; it’s not perfection, but accepting imperfections; it’s not griping, but giving grace; it’s not fleeing, but staying; it’s not conflict-free, but forgiveness-filled. As Ruth Graham once said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” I can attest to that.
So, the next time you gasp in frustration at your spouse and want to pull away or explode, remember this timeless wisdom: “Whatever expectations either of you have for the other, drop them. Neither of you will ever be able to meet them.” As you let go of expectations and notice goodness in your spouse, you might be surprised at the hidden gems you discover.
To learn more about Linsey, visit www.LinseyDriskill.com or @BeautifulHeartedParenting.